Living in a shared flat – that can be pretty nice. Cooking evenings together, conversations deep into the night, a home in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the city. But let’s be honest: Those who live together also come together. And that’s not the problem. The decisive factor is how you deal with it.

Conflicts are part of it. They show that people are different, have different needs – and sometimes just have a bad day. But if you can find a good way to deal with it, your shared apartment can be a place that not only works, but feels like home.

Here are five tips that can help:

1. Talk about it – but please be honest, respectful and timely

What often escalates? Things that remain unspoken for too long. If you swallow conflicts, you risk that a small thing will eventually turn into a huge elephant in the room.

In other words: Address problems before they really annoy you. And if you address it, then not with reproach, but with attitude.

Example:

• Instead of: “You never take out the garbage!”
• Lieber: “I’ve noticed that I’ve been taking out the garbage a lot lately – can we see how we can divide it up differently?”

It may sound unusual at first. But it makes conversations much more relaxed – and solution-oriented.

2. Regular WG rounds

Don’t worry, this doesn’t have to be an official “meeting” or “plenum”. But: Sit down together at regular intervals – maybe once a month, maybe in the sun. Not only when things are already boiling over, but deliberately preventively.

Then you can just talk through it together in a relaxed atmosphere:

• What is going well?
• What’s annoying?
• Are there organizational things (ancillary costs, repairs, etc.)?
• What does everyone want?

Such conversations create clarity – and they show: You take each other seriously as roommates and are really interested in each other’s well-being.

3. Making compromises is part of it

Living together does not mean: Everything goes according to your ideas. And it doesn’t have to. Compromises are not a step backwards – they are the foundation on which good coexistence works.

Whether it’s music volume, guest regulations or who cleans how often – talk about it, negotiate fairly, and see what is feasible for everyone. Maybe not perfect, but in such a way that no one feels left out. Write it down together, even if it seems unnecessary to you at first.

4. If you can’t go any further: It’s okay to get help

Sometimes conflicts are deadlocked. Maybe because too much has not been said over too long a period of time or too often argued about things without really changing anything. In such cases, it can help to bring in a neutral person – for example, a friend who knows both sides, or a counselling centre – meditations are available free of charge at many universities or in tenants’ associations.

Very important: This is not a sign of failure – but shows that you are looking for a way instead of giving up on each other.

5. Teamwork

No one is perfect. Everyone has phases when they are messy, irritable, or unreliable. But that’s exactly why mutual understanding, communication and the willingness to respond to each other are needed in a shared flat.

Because in the end, you don’t just want to live next to each other – you want to feel comfortable in your home. And for that, it’s worth going through even difficult conversations.